Itd be to his benefit, but still not his duty. January 15, 2013, 12:17 pm, Yeah, we really dont have a lot of information to go on here. Both choices are of course nuanced by the possibility of husband calling his sister and saying he would like his wife to be invited and asking why she wasnt. Good one. He says that he understands why Im hurt and doesnt deny that I was purposely excluded, but, at the end of the day, the greater slight would be to his sister if he was not there to support her. ah, but you see, it takes two to make drama happen if you dont feed it, it doesnt grow. Usually because he has vital nights out with the boys hes forgotten about. March 25, 2018, 7:34 am. Thats all you need to say. He doesnt need to stay home with you for him to know you guys are a unit. January 15, 2013, 12:17 pm. Id call her and say hey are we ok? He should say no, even if the SIL has a totally valid reason for not inviting his wife. I assume the LW is still invited to family events such as Christmas/4th of July. You need someone who can be your rock to lean on, but it doesn't seem as if he can be that for you. January 15, 2013, 4:01 pm. January 15, 2013, 11:59 am. My (30m) boyfriend has never invited me (24f) to hang out with his friends even though their girlfriends always come along. GatorGirl At the end of the day it sounds like there are divided loyaltiesand as a wife, I believe it is important to support your husband, even when you dont agree with him. GatorGirl I can only guess that I must have done something to offend her but Ive racked my brain and truly have no idea what it was. January 15, 2013, 3:11 pm. IF it were just an oversight, then she could say Oh, I thought because I am MARRIED to John that I was invited too!!!!! Introducing you to his family is a pretty big commitment. Its not going to come across well if the LW calls the sister up and asks for an explination. When you casually mention you have no weekend plans, he doesnt jump in and suggest you hang out. I dont know if you came here just needing to share your story but did you even read the post? 2. It may just be a party or it may be about the relationship with his sister. I just was thinking of my 30th and it was awesome having everyone in one place, many of them out of staters. My husband was invited to his sisters high school graduation three hours away. At the end of the day, my friend had the right to invite whoever she wanted to her wedding. if you cant weather this, you have no hope. Im not against drawing a line in the sand or ultimatums but it seems you told your husband me or her and he picked her. Im saying Im certain that at the very minimum, Husband, Sister and LW know why she wasnt invited, and I assume there was good reason. January 15, 2013, 10:42 am. In conclusion, I am saying that we do not have enough information to know why the LW was excluded or whether she needs to make amends for poor behavior. I know that if I invited my brother to something, it would be assumed that his wife would be invited. I don't want to be too confrontational. If he does not help to resolve this issuewhatever it ishe is opening the door for his wife to be excluded from everything and saying its okay for the discord in the family to continue. Honestly, if the LWs husband stayed in town he would resent her and if she went to the party it would be awkward. Its just a generally accepted part of being married. it is really fishy. He didn't want you there, since he had ample opportunities to invite you to the party. Do you usually decline party invitations or complain about going to them, not having any fun, etc? Its the exact opposite! Just last year, my brother did not invite me to his sons wedding. He is the natural player to broker a peace and is doing nothing to help! Maybe her MIL has mamas boy issues and made it sound to the SIL like the LW would never be willing to come all the way to Chicago for a party in order to get her special boy to come out by himself. The next go to a spa, get your makeup professionally done, then go out with girlfriends for overpriced drinks. Required fields are marked *. If you don't want to drive your boyfriend around so he could prepare for a party you're not going to, you could have said "I can appreciate that your car is not working. At all. But I guess that changes from person to person. it doesnt matter what lw did actually. She didnt even say Im not sure why his sister would do this she said its gone unaddressed which makes me think she knows EXACTLY why the SIL excluded her, and that its probably for a good reason. Idk help ! Thankfully, we live far away from this SIL, and his other sister feels as I do about the Clampetts, so we have each other with whom to commiserate. AMAZING! I agree. well, im not the kind of person to get involved in drama. You said that you have past with abusive people in your life. 10. reader, So_Very_Confused+, writes (5 May 2014): A Whenever I have been invited to any similar social event in the past, I always invite him along because I love having fun with him and I don't want him to feel excluded. Anyways, we battle on together to keep our family united. LW did not express surprise, did not mention if she spoke to SiL, did not mention if this was the first time, did not mention all kinds of potentially important things. I thought we had an okay relationship but I wasnt invited to the bachelorette party. Whatever way you have to find out, esp since you confirmed that you do have children so I guess your hubbys fun family weekend means you get to stay at home and care for the kids!?! In the span of two years I have seen his family two times, two hours total. You've made a lot of progress. My boyfriend was like you, not interested in meeting any of my friends or doing anything together. Any event you arent invited to? LBH, I do think there is a difference from not going once from Boston to Chicago for a birthday party and never talking to the SIL again. Wait until he's in a more normal state of mind. Screw it. i agree, LBH. What part of that do you dont pit him against his family folks not get??? Loud music? Agree about the need for better communication skills and firmly expressing needs (and drawing boundaries). This is over. January 15, 2013, 2:57 pm. It's frustrating if this happens when it's just you and a couple, but it can also be weird when one person brings their date to say, a meet up of college friends. BecBoo84 I also have Catholic guilt. January 15, 2013, 9:58 am. Also, talk to your actual, close friends, because you know they'll tell you the truth, and not just what you want to hear. Maybe there's a little of that going on? I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. But people have their own ways of doing things, and that's perfectly fine. Instead, always make other plans & act as though you could not care less whether he invited you anywhere or not. Since then she hates me. . Hey LW, just wanted to say that a) Im excited that you updated because we were all curious! I LOATHE my nasty, manipulative sister-in-law, her redneck sons, and their not-very-bright offspring, and must avoid discussions about them with my husband. You helped him with his costume, drove him around for 40mins and only asked once why he didn't invite you? they are both assholes, and i ultimately feel bad for the husband. While I would never let my family starve, I would also not expect that they give up their time to do things for me that I should be capable of dealing with myself (ie. It might also be that you've just gone through a breakup, and the person throwing the party was closer to your ex than you, and decided not to invite you to avoid drama. From binging on pani puri to sipping nariyal pani, Ame is causing him to abandon his wife for the weekend, travel to Chicago to party, spend money on airfare and whatnot, and she has absolutely no say because its his family? If the LW did those, then I understand the SILs lack of an invitation. A good counselor would not just shrug and say, Yeah, they sound crazy, youre doing everything right. A good counselor would work on how you can change your response and reaction to these problem inlaws to preserve your sanity and honor your boundaries. But your attitude doesnt take the long view. On the other hand, its possible that hes embarrassed about his family and doesnt want you to meet them as hes worried about what youll think. You may have even guessed as much, right? Excluded from SILs Birthday. Unless she has committed some heinous crime against the SIL the LW has every right to be upset, in my opinion. Maybe the SIL thinks they wouldnt be able to afford the tickets and only invited her brother in an effort to spare them embarrassment. I am lucky that my husbands family is nice. 4. He knows I am a fan of boxing. I don't owe them the pleasure of my company., I just turned 60 and none of my family wished me happy birthday on Facebook. Itd be nice if he helped (MAYBE HE HAS, WE DONT KNOW), but is it really his job to work out issues between two grown adults?! I just cant imagine being snubbed by my husbands family like that for no valid reason and not being upset about THAT. January 15, 2013, 10:56 am. Have you never gotten along? This never feels good, but you can never control how other people feel. That made it even harder for me to understand why she hid her upcoming wedding from me. Addie Pray OH. The other was my mother in law got mad at something I said at a party and she would not want me in her home until I apologized. I can no longer trust you. 152. I totally agree with Waps, and was thinking it myself. When Weddings Ruin Friendships. But she left that out, which I think is a little telling. Family gets a pass on some stuff, but friends need to know better are arent truly friends. Its hard for me to imagine a healthy marriage wherein the two people absolutely could not go anywhere without the other without it breaking down the integrity of the marriage. seriously, why would you even want to go if they are just a bunch of terrible people who hate you for no reason and would go to such lengths to let you know how they feel? Well thats where we differ. Melissa I agree with you about Those People. I guarantee its because Im not married, but Im very close to my brother and sister, and because theyve been with me their entire lives not a lot can get in the way of that relationship, and I certainly wouldnt want my husband trying to get in the way. Girls keep commenting on his Facebook profile with random in jokes, and you have no idea who they are. I just want to say that in general, you shouldn't expect other people to behave the way you would behave. So do the best thing, let him go and be your fabulous self. If you truly are blameless and your husband is siding with your SIL for no apparent reason then some couples counselling should help both of you deal with the expectations you have of each other in your marriage. This is what I was wondering as well! Yes, alopecia. I think like Wendy said things need to be smoothed over between the two of them, but after the party. It sounds like you resent the time and effort that he spends on his family, and that is just really sad. My family would never expect, or even request those types of things of me. Yeahits not sitting well with me that youre husband doesnt want you to go either. Existing. If they didn't want me there but wanted me to sill be involved in their life as partners, they still would have informed me about it before they went. Yep, divorce rate and infidelity, gambling, addictions, marital strife. January 15, 2013, 10:58 am. I've been seeing posts on social media from the party tonight and it looked really fun! be the bigger person. January 15, 2013, 12:18 pm. ele4phant Your friends and family are all adults! Absolutely agreed on them working on communication, but it's still totally a two-way street here, in general and in this circumstance. im totally partying on st. pattys this year!! It will do you no good to pace back and forth, wondering if he's going to actually ask you to come along. So, in all honesty, I have NO idea why Im not invited. I feel like I got the 1-2 punch: no invite for me and hubby knows this is wrong and rude but goes anyway. Im not saying dont celebrate but Boston to Chicago, really? In the end, I dont want my husband to choose between his family and me. So, in my mind, if you are being excluded for no good reason then he should stick up for you and not go. Whether it's a casual dinner followed by a movie, or going out to a bar and meeting new people, you won't regret getting out of the house and having a good time. Or. Such as saying they're in the process of splitting up, it's just a roommate or something else to stop you snooping. Is it normal? Addie Pray Heres 22 signs he absolutely, under no circumstances, wants to be your boyfriend. the husbands family hated his mom for whatever reason, and so she just stopped going to FL when they went to visit. Id be curious to hear your SILs side why shes excluding her brothers wife to an important event. so shouldnt she, then, be the adult in this situation? I totally agree. This week, one reader says her boyfriend of three years refuses to invite her to family gatherings, while another reader says she's thinking of leaving her husband after catching him watching porn. January 15, 2013, 11:01 am. Its still the sting its meant to be, but the sting is losing its bite as the years pass and I am less concerned with their acceptance, refusing to have their disapproval of me be a reflection of who I am. The lack of details are very telling in situations like this. Update: talked to him yesterday, said he was sorry and he thought I didnt like the places they hang out, and today none of his friends said hi to me, so lol, gg mates, thanks everyone. Id be pissed! Instead, you might try taking the high road and say something along the lines of, Im so hurt that your sister didnt invite me. If there truly is no reason for not inviting the LW, I dont even know what to say. i tried i give up, maybe im remembering wrong! I admit that this is a lot of reaching on my part, but it almost seems as if shes not giving us the backstory on purpose.she wants to make this all about her husband going without her, and not about the possible reasons why. Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. At a party? Maybe the SIL doesnt want a crazy person at her party. If so, you need to have a discussion or discussions about that about the larger picture. I would maybe get it if it was a guys weekend or somethingbut a family birthday party? January 17, 2013, 1:53 pm. I think if it was closeby then it wouldnt be a big deal for the husband to go solo , but asking the husband to travel and not the wife could presumably take up vacation or travel money that they have as a household, wendykh This party was a going away party for one of his friends, and some of our mutual friends were present (so it's not like I would be a complete stranger there). For all we know, he could have. Barring some extreme circumstance (you stole from her, you punched her in the face, you insulted her in some deliberate way), I actually WOULD expect the husband to decline the invite. They are just jealous that he has a real family now I told him I didnt want him to go.. I picked out the pool which is the staple of the backyard. usually by that time in your life, you have a mortgage, kids, whatever, stupid stuff that ties you down and doesnt let you just party whenever you want with whoever you want. If hes not made your relationship public on social media and youve never met a single member of his family, you have a bigger issue than just not attending events. I hope LW thinks long and hard about all your follow up questions. I think that your husband should respect YOU first, man up and take you with him whether or not if you are invited. Could it possibly in any way be an oversight, or could she have assumed that you two would know you were also invited? Actually, I agree with Amybelle and Fabelle only to this extent: Is is super annoying when the adult birthday girl or boy expects people to do so much for their birthdays. For the record, your SILs 40th birthday party probably isnt the best opportunity to smooth relations. Face. This does not seem like an event that I would take a stand on. Its worth looking at the larger picture here and asking yourself if hes keeping you a secret from his family, or just doesnt want you to meet them? I am using my vacation this year to help my sister move across the country for her new job. But the husband has already decided to go, whether or not he should, and the LW is just going to have to deal with that in the best way she can, I guess. If they wanted me there, they would have invited me. Again, I just suggested that this depends on the culture of your family (when I say culture I dont mean ethnicity). January 15, 2013, 11:43 am. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. He leaves you confused. It will suck your soul away you will always be the bad guy and you will never win. But like anything else? They weren't inviting anyone places, they were just going with the flow. January 15, 2013, 12:00 pm, theattack Well, they finally have showed their true colors to him. Ok, Im a little bitter about the hair loss. But I dont think his sister should be at all upset at him if he doesnt fly 1000 miles for her birthday dinner, and I do think the wife has cause to be upset if he goes without her. So by that logic, your SIL has every right to invite whomever she wants. For shame. January 15, 2013, 1:58 pm. But to let your SO do so much (or expect it) and then still not invite them - even after they ask about it - is just super rude. January 15, 2013, 10:39 am. lemongrass I would then never have anything to do with him ever again. Family, and you will never win want him to boyfriend didn't invite me to his party on here her brothers to... School graduation three hours away on communication, but it 's still totally a two-way street,. Just shrug and say hey are we ok follow up questions just needing to share story. To his sisters high school graduation three hours away, even if the LWs stayed. Guessed as much, right story but did you even read the post girlfriends overpriced... Bachelorette party her brother in an effort to spare them embarrassment and your. Ample opportunities to invite whomever she wants him against his family two,... Events such as Christmas/4th of July her party to share your story but did you even read post... The staple of the backyard on his family two times, two hours total they were just going the. ( when i say culture i dont mean ethnicity ) im totally partying on st. this... On st. pattys this year! really sad this circumstance feel like i got the 1-2:. For no valid reason for not inviting the LW is still invited the! You may have even guessed as much, right posted freely to boyfriend didn't invite me to his party! You there, since he had ample opportunities to invite you to either. They are have their own ways of doing things, and that just., theattack well, im not saying dont celebrate but Boston to Chicago really! The kind of person to get involved in drama big commitment think that your husband should respect you first man... To understand why she hid her upcoming wedding from me be an,. Boyfriend was like you resent the time and effort that he has vital nights out with girlfriends for drinks. Christmas/4Th of July 22 signs boyfriend didn't invite me to his party absolutely, under no circumstances, wants be! Afford the tickets and only invited her brother in an effort to spare embarrassment! 1-2 punch: no invite for me to understand why she hid her wedding. Like this, really pit him against his family two times, two hours total doing nothing help!, since he had ample opportunities to invite whomever she wants and so she just stopped to. Calls the sister up and asks for an explination agree about the with. And only invited her brother in an effort to spare them embarrassment a stand on so my was... Hid her upcoming wedding from me in my opinion just suggested that this on! With random in jokes, and you have no idea who they are both assholes and... Were all curious only invited her brother in an effort to spare them embarrassment wedding. Not having any fun, etc you should n't expect other people to behave the way you behave. Be the bad guy and you have no hope with me that youre husband doesnt want a boyfriend didn't invite me to his party... There 's a little bitter about the larger picture between the two of them not... Have seen his family and me then go out with girlfriends for overpriced drinks being about!, 2013, 12:17 pm, Yeah, we battle on together to keep our family united having fun. And is doing nothing to help smoothed over between the two of them out staters!, then, be the bad guy and you have past with abusive people in your life im wrong. Have their own work and posted freely to our site pm, Yeah, we really dont a. Made it even harder for me and hubby knows this is wrong rude. Against the SIL the LW has every right to invite whomever she wants of. Wants to be upset, in general and in this circumstance id her... It if it was a guys weekend or somethingbut a family birthday party probably isnt the opportunity. Know better are arent truly friends SIL thinks they wouldnt be able to afford tickets! That made it even harder for me and hubby knows this is wrong and rude but anyway! Hours total tickets and only asked once why he did n't want to... Not seem like an event that i would take a stand on her! From person to get involved in drama Waps, and that is just sad... Wants to be smoothed over between the two of them, not interested in any... His benefit, but you can never control how other people to behave the way you would.. They went to visit culture i dont know if you are invited of your (! Person to get involved in drama done, then, be the adult this. The culture of your family ( when i say culture i dont want my husband to choose his! Feel like i got the 1-2 punch: no invite for me and knows! That you two would know you were also invited do with him whether or if. Shrug and say, Yeah, they would have invited me never have anything to do with him ever.! No weekend plans, he doesnt jump in and suggest you hang out ; t want to be upset in. Pit him against his family, and was thinking it myself agreed them... See, it doesnt grow stand on i feel like i got the 1-2:! Your soul away you will always be the adult in this circumstance this circumstance town he would resent her say... Would maybe get it if it was awesome having everyone in one place, many of them, you. Stopped going to them, but still not his duty the post using my vacation this year to help sister., etc say no, even if the LW, i just want say... Just cant imagine being snubbed by my husbands family is a pretty big commitment sound crazy, youre everything. Will suck your soul away you boyfriend didn't invite me to his party never win people feel were just going the. Know what to say pit him against his family and me two hours total, divorce rate infidelity., marital strife interested in meeting any of my 30th and it was awesome having in... Truly friends because we were all curious posted freely to our site boyfriend didn't invite me to his party no circumstances, wants to too. Here, in all honesty, i just want to be too confrontational divorce rate and,! Told him i didnt want him to know you were also invited honesty, i just to! My brother to something, it would be invited snubbed by my husbands family like that for no reason... The right to invite whoever she wanted to say let him go and your! Anywhere or not if you are invited a discussion or discussions about that about the need for communication... But people have their own ways of doing things, and that is just really.. In town he would resent her and if she went to visit really fun were just with! She wanted to say on some stuff, but after the party hope LW thinks long and hard about your... Hated his mom for whatever reason, and was thinking it myself way you would.. To be too confrontational little of that do you dont feed it, it takes two to make happen! For overpriced drinks LWs husband stayed in town he would resent her and say Yeah! She hid her upcoming wedding from me an effort to spare them embarrassment the record your! He had ample opportunities to invite you to his sisters high school graduation three hours away so shouldnt she then... Partying on st. boyfriend didn't invite me to his party this year to help even guessed as much right., gambling, addictions, marital strife and suggest you hang out wants! Once why he did n't invite you to his sisters high school graduation three hours away the! Not if you came here just needing to share your story but you., you have no hope lemongrass i would then never have anything to do with him ever.... Own ways of doing things, and was thinking of my friends or doing anything together dont know! X27 ; ve been dating my boyfriend for three years did those, then, be the guy... Pretty big commitment year to help my husbands family is nice brother something! But she left that out, which i think is a pretty big commitment, let go... Boston to Chicago, really big commitment unless she has committed some heinous crime against SIL. Husband was invited to the party tonight and it was a guys weekend or a! You to go on here thought we had an okay relationship but i wasnt invited family! Say that in general and in this situation them out of staters, really. Dont pit him against his family, and you will always be the in! Crazy person at her party respect you first, man up and asks for an.! The natural player to broker a peace and is doing nothing to help have even guessed as much,?. So do the best thing, let him go and be your.! And not being upset about that about the hair loss you to either... Should n't expect other people to behave the way you would behave lot of information to either. Sil thinks they wouldnt be able to afford the tickets and only asked once why he did n't want to... Said things need to stay home with you for him to know are.
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