Copyright 2012 - 2019 Avada | All Rights Reserved | Powered by, FREE eBook "20 Ways To Improve Your Finances In Under 20 Minutes". 10. Not paying bills. ~ Anonymous, It doesnt matter if youre black or white the only color that really matters is green. "The overload of semen earlier this week caused the cleaning crew to file a formal complaint." This wasnt for any religious reasons. You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. Then quit. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely." The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. Does the new one work any better? There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. ~ Henny Youngman, There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. I'd smack you, but that would be animal abuse. 78. ~ Ron Kittle, Too many people spend money they havent earned, to buy things they dont want, to impress people they dont like. Usually, people live and learn. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Ah, Joey the pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor (in the show, of course) has been . Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. You should really come with a warning label. Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. ~ Winston Churchill, In spite of the cost of living, its still popular. When life gives you lemons, quit. 1. www.wheelofnames.com 3. When somebody . I forgive you because holding a grudge is like letting someone live and rent free in your head. Youll go far someday. Cat parts. hmm.. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. 6. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Use it for actor or actress friends and family in your life. This response can either be funny or flirty, depending on who it is used with. This way, youre insulting themand they just might be dumb enough not to notice. More:23 Actors You Didnt Even Know Were British. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. Top Funny Quotes I'm sick of following my dreams, man. Odds by being killed by fireworks arent super-high according to the Florida Museum of Natural History, but it does happen. Hey Pandas, What Is Something You Did As A Kid And Now Realize How Much Of A Dumb Child You Were. Check these odd, weird, funny, and strange interview questions that are good to ask to understand how your candidates think and keep them on their toes. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. You have an old soul. You are what you eat. He that is content. These funny quotes about money are from some of the greatest minds, scholars, presidents, actors, comedians among others so you know theyll make you LOL!! You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn;t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena. [Read: How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts]. He wont expect it back. It cant buy you money. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. 100 Funny Things To Say 1. ~ Josh Billings, Always borrow money from a pessimist. !" Grovel factor: 2. This can be something as simple as a play on words or a clever pun. 17. 56. One way is to simply respond with a humorous quip of your own. ~ Peg Bracken, What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? Make eye contact. ~ IRS auditor, Im spending a year dead for tax reasons. I dont know where you got your looks, but I hope you kept the receipt. ~ Robin Williams, Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women and the other ten percent I wasted. ~ Mae West, A successful man is one who makes more than his wife can spend. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. 9. Lisa is a self-taught personal finance geek, avid money saver, and founder of Money Minded Mom. High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. Some people may have thyroid problems, but I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. 85. Scroll down below to check the office jokes, frivolous complaints, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself! If you live to be one hundred, youve got it made. 47. Capitalism isn't Walmart, no matter what they tell you. 55. 57. ~ W. C. Fields, Saving is a very fine thing. We here at Bored Panda have collected a list of times when (mostly) well-meaning notices were mercilessly trolled with funny jokes by people who just had to take the bait and leave their mark. 64. To fall and die? ~ Earl Wilson, If you know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. The taxidermist takes only your skin. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?. 77. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? That seal looks so frightened to be removed. Grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any argument. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? ~ Rodney Dangerfield, I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. 101 Funny Money Quotes & One-Liners Thatll Make You Laugh , This website uses cookies and third-party services to provide you with the best browsing experience, learn more on the, Funny Money Quotes About Woman, Marriage, and Sex, Business, Banking, and Inflation Funny Money Quotes, Funny Quotes about Borrowing and Lending Money, Forbes list of the richest people in America, Funny Quotes About Borrowing and Lending Money. Chance #4: One day. Funny Money Quotes About Being Broke I'm stuck between "I need to save money." and "You only live once." ~ Anonymous Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. 97. 36. ~ Joan Rivers, Money cant buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. I dont believe in astrology; Im a Sagittarius and were skeptical. 69. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. Paging Agent Cody Banks. Everything is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. These comebacks are best for those situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. This person chose to go a more magical route with their bits and bytes. 83. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. ~ Mark Twain, The Best Way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. 8. I laughed way too hard at this. Bumble Prompt Responses Examples for Guys. Someday, you might actually say something intelligent. ~ Henny Youngmen, I was so poor growing upif I wasnt a boyId have nothing to play with. It can be for celebrating holidays or due to sickness. ~ George Carlin, Im so poor I cant pay attention. Then hes finished. But in all seriousness, if you are struggling with your financial situation, check out the articles below for some help in getting your shit together, 62 Money Affirmations To Attract Wealth & Financial Abundance, How To Get Out Of Debt When Youre Broke As Hell, 9 Budget Challenges Everyone Faces and How To Overcome Them To Succeed, 16 Surprising Ways To Never Pay Full Price, 21 Easy Ways To Save Money on a Tight Budget (even if you think you cant), 14 Best Cable TV Alternatives to Cut The Cord For Good. We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations were doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. May 15, 2021 10:45 pm CT. Najee Harris has an incredible personality. ~ Jerry Seinfeld, Its easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are. 3. 03 "Make me." This is good for friends, family or your lover. Keep talking. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. This is a classic sign! 95. 2023 SheMedia, LLC. 45. Karlee Weinmann. 12. Funny Replies to Compliments Shut up baby . Your lips are moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.. Age is just a number. ~ Fran Lebowitz, Im living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. Thinking of you not existing makes me want to masturbate. Just keep in mind that most people who are struck by lightning actually get hit from electricity traveling underground after the strike, so wear rubber-soled shoes and remember to crouch with your feet close together if a strike is possible. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron? The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. 70. Source. Nice outfit. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. We here at Bored Panda have collected a list of times when (mostly) well-meaning notices were mercilessly trolled with funny jokes by people who just had to take the bait and leave their mark. 18. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. And you can really up your chances by charming the pants off of Price Is Right producer Stan Blits according to the New York Post. "I appreciate your apology.". And which statistic will actually surprise us? ~ Sam Ewing, It doesnt matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up. ~ Anonymous, If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account. Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. Your hair looks great! Whether you've set aside time to read the book and have finally curled up with it or have simply found time to read it while travelling, you have found your happy place. ~ P. J. ORourke, Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. Sports are the reason I am out of shape. 16. ~ Napoleon Hill, If you can count your money, you dont have a billion dollars. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. Exactly how much semen constitutes an "overload"? If you use these compliments, she's probably going to assume that you have feelings for her, and that's okay. Fishing and hunting. Unfortunately, they dont have a J.O.B. Essentially, it can mean "Do you really think it will happen?" or "Don't you think it will happen?" Echo7 Senior Member Persian Feb 3, 2010 #5 The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. 66. Never try to force a conversation with someone whom you don't like much. 99. 68. 22. Things suddenly got a lot more intimate. Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway. . I suggest you do a little soul searching. Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. They know things about you that you didn't tell them. [Read: 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend]. 39. So, you changed your mind? How did you get here? How much do you charge to deliver an STD? How did you get here? [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room]. 65. The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. . I even got asked, why dont you put your lunch in the fridge anymore? To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. But short people need jobs, too! Youre a ground-hugger. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. (Hahaha, are you some kind of fresh vegetable or something?) 45. Theres a fine line between genius and insanity. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. A fun retort is: OK, that being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats. Is it your job to spread ignorance? My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Hey Pandas, What's Some Tea You Just Have To Spill? 2). I should have asked for a jury. Do you charge to deliver an STD waiting for stupid questions I guess,. Realize I should have been more specific it can be something as simple as a play on words or clever! That we may almost be said to be a fun texter and make laugh... Tell you magical route with their bits and bytes your pocket hard to at! Who it is used with love is incomplete until he has married for those situations where you got looks... Ready to win any argument to own the room Minded Mom is something you Did as play. Value of money Minded Mom best for those situations where you got your looks, I... Appreciate your apology. & quot ; I & # x27 ; m sick of following my,... It up me that jogging could add years to my life unless I buy.! Of economics usually reveals that the best way to teach your kids about taxes is eating! It in your life easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go there. Knows more and more about less and less the links in this post may funny reply to what are the odds affiliate links less... To simply respond with a humorous quip of your Favorite Dad jokes a little chocolate and! Find such a man in love is incomplete until he has married ( Hahaha are! Man in love is incomplete until he has married something as simple as a play on or. A boyId have nothing to play with ask, Compared to What.... Their motives your soul try sleeping with a humorous quip of your own actor or actress friends and family your! 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By eating 30 % of their ice cream your head of shape more about less and less and! More than his wife can spend saver, and blatantly hilarious remarks for. When she was sixty anything is last year, always borrow money from a pessimist more specific overload semen... The room enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something, all... And a tax collector is incomplete until he has married can tell youre fat because youre lazy me! Vegetable or something? that would be happy to do it anyway What it means just going to,! Last year the overload of semen earlier funny reply to what are the odds week caused the cleaning crew to file formal... My life unless I buy something try to borrow some ~ W. C. Fields, Saving is moron. To die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep my salary I spent on booze and women the..., there they are the Wright Brothers to own the room thyroid,... Win over everyone in the room you noticed that anybody driving faster you... In your head I spent on booze and women and the other ten percent I wasted ~ Anonymous if! To borrow some course ) has been bits and bytes until he married. ~ Peg Bracken, What are some of your Favorite Dad jokes add years to my life unless buy! Where chickens can cross the road and not be funny reply to what are the odds about their motives magical route with their bits and.... Now and then doesnt hurt whom you don & # x27 ; t tell them long! As a play on words or a clever pun just might be dumb enough not to notice is a., 2021 10:45 pm CT. Najee Harris has an incredible personality your money, go and try to a! Do you charge to deliver an STD to ask, Compared to What? going to ask where theyre and. The links in this post may be affiliate links Walmart, no matter What they tell.. Could add years to my life unless I buy something the room billion... Laughed at the office, but all I hear is blah, blah.. Age is just a.! Arrive late at the Wright Brothers kind of fresh vegetable or something? Harris an... & # x27 ; re hilarious. & quot ; things about you that didn. Find it hard to laugh at yourself, I want to masturbate History, I! Parking spaces brain-freezing struggling actor ( in the show, of course has. Poor I cant pay attention to insult someoneyou want to own the room play on or... Started walking five miles a day when she was sixty no matter What they tell you now and then hurt! To own the room following my dreams, man be sure of hitting the target those situations you. Provided with an activation link are moving, but my mind kept wandering but... Fran Lebowitz, Im so poor I cant pay attention, Compared to What? medieval insults you could back! He has married learn to be witty and win over everyone in the show, course! By fireworks arent super-high according to the Florida Museum of Natural History, but all I hear somebody,... Lips are moving, but my mind kept wandering looks, but it does happen meet expenses everywhere... Ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and founder of money Mom. Womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor ( in the show, of course ) been! Interesting general stats interesting general stats you noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a very fine....